- Hit a deer. I guess the bright side is that my car is in the shop getting fixed. However, I did have to spend $120 out-of-pocket on a rental car.
- Grant rejected. I quit counting how many grants I've had rejected after about 8. But suffice it to say that every grant I have submitted on my own behalf has been rejected. Now I'm just bringing everyone else down with me. My name on a grant is the kiss of death.
- Insulted by faculty. Not one but two. Suffice it to say that I am not looking forward to my committee meeting this year.
- Large plumbing bill for the city's problem. As if I have money to pay for someone else's issues. And yet, I have.
- Water pipes frozen. Didn't cost me anything, but a hell of an inconvenience.
- Oh, let's go back to when this all began. My dog died. Day after Thanksgiving while my sister was here to visit for the first time.
- I've had a health issue that has plagued me since the first year I moved here.
Until today. Today I see that whether or not I finish my doctorate is largely dependent on other people's whims. Oh, not a bunch of other people, just one or two. And right now, I'm not sure what those one or two people think of me. Just when I had it all in the palm of my hand...just when I thought my troubles were over it is possible that it will all be taken away. And I'll be honest. I got caught off guard on this one. This was my last hurrah. I don't really have a plan B. I'm sitting here this evening thinking about what I'm going to do when the student loans come due and I don't have the money. I wonder what they'll take and what they'll let me keep. I wonder where I'll find a job in this economy. I feel like I'm sleepwalking or living someone else's life. I wish this was someone else's life. I'm facing the blue screen of death.
After worrying and struggling and panicking in the night for nearly 4 years, I thought I had finally paid my dues and earned my moment in the sun. And in one day, the clouds returned and have settled in. I think they're here for the long haul. My luck hasn't been so good lately.