It's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Ok, just so you know. The OC behavior is back. I'm now spending 4 hours a day reading, re-reading and reading yet again the same articles, blog posts (mine and others), and emails over and over. Twelve weeks of therapy alerted me to the fact that this is a response to stress. Where is the stress coming from? Nothing seems any different to me. Somehow I get a perverse sense of calm from repeating the same action, reading the same words, whatever the hell you call this, over and over again. I hate this.

Yesterday I agreed to meet Bek and Katie for dinner. They were seated in the restaurant and I was still at my house reading my blog. WTF? I lied about already being on the road. I encouraged them to drink some wine.

I'm hella crazy again. I wish that just telling myself to stop worked. I wish that the understanding that nothing is accomplished by doing this was enough to make me stop. It's stupid. It's counter-productive. It's ......aaaaaaaaaaaargh.

Man, do I feel stupid

So all day yesterday, I'm watching my cell phone for my veep text message like I have Turetts, only to learn on INTERNATIONAL FUCKING TELEVISION, from the likes of Lester Holt no less, that Barack Obama has selected Joseph Biden as his running mate.

My veep text message came at 3:39 am CDT. Even me, who hasn't had a good night's sleep in about a week wasn't up at that hour.

Don't promise me the inside scoop and give it to the international community first.

Man, I feel like a dipshit.